To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to post this so soon after launching my blog. This topic can be so tricky to navigate, not to mention the stigma behind it. Although I’m normally very careful about who I open up to, I decided to tell you guys a little bit about my ongoing struggles with anxiety in hopes that my story will resonate with some of you.
Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere, like a tidal wave of all the worst emotions. Sometimes there’s a reason why it happens; life comes along and pulls the rug right out from under you. Nevertheless, I’ll never get used to it. Anxiety is not something that you become accustomed to. Even when you think you understand it, or think you have the upper hand, you don’t.
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was around ten, though I’ve probably been suffering from it since I was about four. As a child, my anxiety was always something that distanced me from my peers and I was aware of that from a young age. I can remember, probably up until the time I started middle school, my mother having to call my friends on the phone for me because the thought of doing that myself was absolutely debilitating. I couldn’t do the things that came so easily for others or I would fall to pieces. In ways, I felt like an outsider. My brain just didn’t work the way other kids’ did, and that crushed me.
Since that time nearly twenty years ago, I have obviously grown up a lot, both physically and emotionally. I’ve learned ways to cope with my anxiety and, most days, I feel good. However, there are still days when I feel just as lost as I did back then. On those days, I’m just as frustrated and just as upset. There’s nothing much worse than the feeling of being completely alone and misunderstood. No one can ever fully empathize with you. It’s times like those that I often find myself thinking “Will this feeling ever go away?” I know that it will and the feeling eventually subsides.
As you can tell, I merely skimmed the surface with this. There is soooo much more I can write about my anxiety, as it has affected many aspects of my life. Let me know in the comments if you would be interested in reading more about this.
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